July 16th Thoughts

It’s late at night, and I’m not doing well. There has been so much information thrown at me all at once and it’s a lot to process and all take in. I feel like nothing is definite or set in stone, and I feel entitled for complaining about that, but it’s true. I don’t know…

The Weight of Being Both the “Sick Daughter” and the “Good Daughter”

I have been chronically ill now for over a year. In other words, my parents have been dealing with a chronically ill child for fourteen months and all that comes along with it. You know that scene in Girl Interrupted where Angelina Jolie’s character is reading Winona Ryder’s character’s diary in front of everyone? Specifically…

Today is Tomorrow is Yesterday

Today could be tomorrow or the day before that. Everyday is the same and I experience the same emotions like clockwork. I wake up wishing my life was just a bad nightmare, then I speak and reality sets in. We scurry off to some appointment, go to lunch where I always overeat, then we do…

Better Day

Today was a better day. I think it is important for me to write about the good days along with the bad ones. This way, I can look back on these more positive posts when I’m feeling low to remind myself that I do have better days. I’m also thinking about my patterns and habits….

I’ve changed.

I was cold to our waiter today. I avoided eye contact and I spoke as little as possible. I pulled my now signature move of ducking into the bathroom as he was approaching to escape the anxiety-riddled task of having to order. He thinks I’m rude or that I’m some sort of a shrinking violet….

GRADUATION!

Finally a positive post! I graduated last weekend. I know, I know, HUGE. Even a month ago I did not think I’d be going back, let alone write and say part of the speech in front of an audience. To be honest, I was even on the fence about whether or not to go back…

Enough

I feel like I am never doing enough. Whenever I’m just sitting around I feel guilty because I’m not doing anything productive. I’m not practicing enough, not doing as many tongue pumps as I should, not talking enough, not exercising enough, not emailing with the dean enough. I’m constantly anxious because I never feel like…

Phoenix 3.0

It has been awhile since I’ve done an update, so I feel like it’s time. Speech therapy is absolutely exhausting, but I really like my speech therapist and her assistant, who’s only a few years older than me. They almost seem like my friends, in a weird way? I know that may sound depressing, but…